This is my life....

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 06:24:04 GMT

Have you ever felt so alone, so isolated that you could scream? That is the way I am feeling right now. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it either. I have no friends and now I don’t have a job. It has always bothered me that I didn’t have any friends but now it’s going to be worse. I just got laid off from my job, where I had people to talk to. I have applied for some more jobs, so I hope it will work out. Until then, I am going to be completely alone except for my cats to talk to. My sister and her boyfriend live across the hall from me and I talk to them at times. I don’t want to bother them too much though, they have their own lives.
I am also the ugliest person ever. I can’t handle this life anymore. I have to keep going though for my mom and sisters sake. I have to keep living though all this misery so they can be happy. My dad committed suicide when I was a little kid and it wrecked all of our lives. I wish I didn’t have these feelings. I don’t want to have them, I don’t want to be depressed and suicidal.
How would you feel though if you walked down the street and had people bark at you? How would you feel if you were completely alone? How would you feel if you were completely trapped with thoughts of suicide and depression? It’s hard to get rid of them, I try not to think them but it’s impossible when I am alone constantly. I want to buy extra strength sleeping pills just so I can sleep my life away. I might just do that too. I am going to pull an all nighter tonight and then sleep all day tomorrow. Since I don’t have a job anyway, what does it matter? I might as well just put in all the sleep that I can so I don’t have to think about life.
Love and friendship can come to anyone else easily, but not me. It makes me mad too when people complain about their boyfriends or girlfriends. No one can realize how lucky they actually are to be in a relationship. Just like when people get upset if someone they aren’t attracted to likes them. I can understand if it’s in a stalker creepy kind of way... but if it’s just a crush then why get upset? You should feel flattered that someone likes you. I get it, it’s awesome when a good-looking person likes you (something I wouldn’t know and never will) but at least someone thinks you are good-looking! If I found out someone liked me, even if I didn’t want to date them I wouldn’t take it for granted.
If you are a person who is happy, with friends, in a relationship do not take it for granted! You have no idea how lucky you are, you can’t know unless you’ve been depressed and alone. Friendship and love is not something to wave away as if it’s nothing. It’s something to cherish and be grateful for. Let your friends know how much you care about them... it’s the greatest to know that someone at least cares. No one but my family likes me. I hate my life and I wish I was dead.
Some say that maybe therapy could help me. I doubt it, I seriously doubt it. Sure I can talk to someone about all these depressed feelings I have, but I will still be going home to lonely nights with no friends. I will still be ugly, people will still make fun of me for it so what is the point? I am going to be twenty-one in less than two weeks and it has been a very disappointing twenty-one years. People say things will get better, but this website: http://www.lifesucks.info/ is proof that it doesn’t. Read it and you will know for yourself.

Birthday thing.

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 16:46:03 GMT

RULES:
1. Put your birth month in an entry.
2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold the things that best apply to you.
4. Put all twelve months under a cut.

SEPTEMBER: ~~Suave and compromising.~~ Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. ~~Very confident.~~ Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. ~~Clever and knowledgeable.~~ Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. ~~Fun to be around.~~ Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but those not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Sexual. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Can easily get jealous. Seductive. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Diary of a lonely girl

This is my life....

Birthday thing.